Yikes

Hello everyone,
So today, I had my final for my voice lessons, which is called a jury. Waiting to go in, I was calm, relaxed, and ready to go. I knew my song inside and out. I waited there with my accompanist for about 10 minutes, when finally I went in. It started out beautifully. The first verse was awesome! Then I got to the chorus, and I got that thing where you need to desperately clear your throat but you can't, because you're singing, right? A frog in my throat I guess... This need to clear my throat distracted me and in that distraction was my fatal error. I went to start out my second verse, and instead started the third verse. Then, in my panic to fix it and to get the song right, instead of just singing the two verses out of order, I decided to start the next part with the second verse. Yet, when I went to sing it, I couldn't remember the words!!! My accompanist had to prompt me as to what they were. After that, I finished the song without any problems, but I was so embarrassed. I felt like Susan Boyle, when she had a frog in her throat and had to start her song over and I bet made the same face she made (Although, I wasn't on national television, just in front of four grad students, one of which is my teacher).

Not very flattering, I suppose.

While this moment was incredibly embarrassing for me, my one thought is, "You've had a lot worse." And I have. I am a person who is so clumsy and klutzy that I embarrass myself all the time. Like the time I was walking up the stairs in my choir outfit, which is a floor length skirt, and tripped, falling up the stairs, right in front of a whole group of people. Oh, and I always feel I say the wrong things in certain situations, that or I get really nervous and talk a lot. Then, when I realize what I have said or been saying at a million miles an hour, I get really embarrassed. Or, pretty much any time I perform. Sigh... I guess I am just going to have to deal with the fact that I mess up a lot and I am going to embarrass myself all the time, because that is just who I am. I guess I'm o.k. with that.

All the best,

-EBS